It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
