If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
