how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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