I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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