you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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