Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
