I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
