I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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