Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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