i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize