You really coming over, don't trick.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Everyone says I win the strip club
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
