i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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