If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
