He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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