Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
