someone threw a dead crab at me
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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