yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize