i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
