Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
