"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
