I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
