You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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