do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
