Someone shit on the floor
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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