I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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