Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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