covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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