I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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