dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I will pee on everything he values.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
