By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize