a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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