i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
