porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
