Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize