I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
