i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
