I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
