IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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