forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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