this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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