Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm at about main and main street
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
