She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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