I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
