sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
