The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
