If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
