What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
