Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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