addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
3pm strippers are depressing
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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