I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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