Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
