I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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