Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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