Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
