i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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