It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
