hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
why do cheetos always look like penises
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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