Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
im six kinds of drunk right now
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
