What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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