I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
