i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
