puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
