as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Randomize
