i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
