New low: just hacked my moms facebook
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my shit smells like andre
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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