i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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