so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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