I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
