Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize