Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
