I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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