Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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