Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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