The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
