He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think people are normalizing furries
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
