i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
