Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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