"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
